i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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