I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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