A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
