i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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