I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
what day is it and did you see me today?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
