And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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