i already hear my dad disowning me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
