we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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