So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
