It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
