How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
