Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months