Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila