TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?