I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
