this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
