After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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