I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
