I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
