im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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