Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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