So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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