i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
