I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
