First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
