This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think I just sharted jello shots
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
