It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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