The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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