she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
