How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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