i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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