I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
