What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize