i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
