this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
