I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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