The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
