you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
