Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
