Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
