And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
