That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
