i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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