oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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