he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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