Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
