You work out of a Hotel?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
