can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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