so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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