I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
