Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
