i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
