I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Randomize
