umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
