Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
