OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
