you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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