so let's talk penis.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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