OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need to sanitize my soul.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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