You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think a kid would responsible me up
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
