so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
