i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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