I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
