Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
