You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
