I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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