They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
