Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
