Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
