How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
