Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
