Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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