Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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