I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
