I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
As shirtless as possible
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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