i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
