she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
