break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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